Going through a divorce is tough. It doesn’t get easier for a long, long, long time. Here’s the thing I couldn’t tell many people about what I was going through at first because I was embarrassed and didn’t want people to feel bad for me. At first, I felt bad for myself and my family, etc. Yes, family, because once you are with someone for so long, they become that family too.
But, once circumstances started to move forward into motion, I realized that it is not as bad as it seems. I will be fine. I will work through and be happy somehow. Changes had to be made to move forward; it just took time.
Here are some things that I HATED people saying to me.
- The grass is greener – like what? That’s great; it’s going to be fine, I get that. But right now, I can’t even see straight. I feel sick to my stomach and can’t even sleep. My heart is broken and torn into a million pieces. So, while it may be greener, it will take time to heal.
- There are other fish in the sea – UHH okay. Yes, there are, but now I have to find someone AGAIN, and I am already in my 30’s. I have to let him know what I like physically, emotionally, sexually, etc. Who has time for all that when you were with your ex for so long?
- I’m so sorry – My response is always, “me too.” Do you think I am not sorry and don’t feel bad? Don’t you think that I wish things could have been different? Are you going to help me get through this? Or do you just feel sorry?
- You are better off without him/her – How? That person was there for me during everything for however long. Right now, I have no one. How can I pick up all of those pieces? This statement goes back to the ‘grass is greener;’ it will get better in time. But that person was a part of my life for soooo long that I still can’t see myself without him/her.
- Protect yourself – Get a lawyer and take everything from the person. What? He is still the father of my son, a person, and has worked hard. We were a partnership, and we deserve equal shares.
- You will be fine – Yes, I will be fine, but when? Right now I am not, and my family is not. So, thanks for letting me know.
- It’s his loss – Is it, truly? I think it’s both of our losses. We both have lost each other and everything we have worked for during that time.
- 50% of marriages end anyway – This one is REALLY foolish to me. It bothers me. Yeah, but I never thought it would be me. People never think it’s going to happen to them. Yeah, I get that, but really? That doesn’t make it okay or make me feel any better.
Instead of saying those phrases, try using these.
- You are strong
- You are confident
- Time will heal
- Take care of you
- Bible verses have helped a lot.
- Offer solutions or help
- I am proud of you
For anyone going through a divorce, it sucks. Even if you have gone through one, don’t say the pieces above; it doesn’t help. Find ways to uplift the person and make them laugh. The last thing we want to do is cry more or think about someone else. We need friends, support, and to feel like we can be independent and get through life. When I started going through a divorce, I had one friend send me bible verses or inspirational quotes every day. If any of my friends or family sent me any negative things or screenshots of what was happening in his life, I would ask them to stop. You need to get over it and let go because the sooner you do, the sooner life works out.
So, the next time you want to make any of these remarks to someone who is going through a divorce, be positive and uplift them instead. Let them know you care and will be there for them!
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