You can always save your marriage as long as two people are willing. That is what they used to tell me. I don’t know if that is true anymore; I don’t know much. I thought the other person would always want to fight for their marriage.
Do you usually see the signs? Sometimes. But, we never think anything of it until it’s too late. You can search online for a million reasons or explanations, but I have first-hand experience with the state of an emotional divorce. (It’s going to emotional no matter what.)
When I look back now, I see that there were signs, but I didn’t pay attention. Why? Because we think it can never happen and we are meant to be together forever. Or so we think. What honestly is forever? How do people stay together?
I grew up with my family being successful and not having any divorces. It was something about how we were raised. I was raised to believe you can work through anything. Yes, even an affair. But both parties have to WANT to and have to forgive. I guess I always had that mentality which is why I never thought divorce was an option.
What are the signs?
– [ ] No date nights
– [ ] Lack of communication
– [ ] Arguing about small things
– [ ] Not listening to each other
– [ ] Constant nagging
– [ ] Not agreeing on much
– [ ] Not doing things as a family
– [ ] No actual support for one another
– [ ] No friends/support
– [ ] No hobbies
Two people need to understand how a marriage works and what the goals are in all fields: financial, career, family, marriage, etc. We can all get so caught up in life and work that we do not realize what is in front of us. Getting older allows us to recognize the importance of taking time out regularly for ourselves, our family, our career, and our spouse. You see how our spouse is last. They should be first, or at least after ourselves anyway. We run out of time, and we are drained and tired.
You can come up with a million excuses and reasons for anything in life. We both seemed to do that in our marriage and weren’t on the same page. Maybe it was because of my special needs son, or perhaps it was because we didn’t see eye to eye. Whatever it is, it sucked.
When you marry someone, you think you can work through anything, and it is going to be glamorous. No, it’s not. There will come a time for everyone when you need to pick what to do. Fight and get help with your marriage or walk away. Before you walk away, look at the signs. Look at how it is being played out. If there is a lack of communication – why? Take that time to sit down at the dinner table after the kids go to bed and TALK. Talk about anything other than work.
I think one of the biggest hurdles for me is what else do we talk about besides work and kids? Being older now, those two topics consume my conversations. What about the other subjects? Put together a list of ideas you want to talk about besides the standard adult stuff. I wish I had done this before my marriage crumbled. You can do it and attempt to save yours before it’s too late.
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